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We Are Never Getting Together

By Janette Rallison
AUDIOBOOK
KOBO
Amazon

*Affiliate link — I may earn a commission*

Level 1 Intimacy
No Innuendo
Zero Swearing
Zero Violence
Young Adult
No LGBTQ Content

Trigger Warnings

Book Details

Genre

Romantic Comedy

Publisher

Shadow Mountain

Series

Standalone

Book #

Point of View

Dual First Person

Length

Novel
contemporary settingenemies to loversfake datingfootballopposites attractslow burn

Found a trope you love? → Tap it to explore more ❤️

Audiobook Details

Narrators

Aunah Johnson, Parley Lambert

Narration Type

Dual

Where to Read

Amazon

*Affiliate link — I may earn a commission*

Audible
Barnes and Noble

Synopsis

In this reverse Parent Trap, two feuding teenagers pretend to be in love to keep their parents apart, but love has other plans. A clean YA rom-com from USA Today best-selling author, Janette Rallison.

Madeline and Cooper have had bad blood since junior year when she beat out his sister for the lead in the school play. Ever since, it’s been one petty escalation after another—rumors, locker sabotage, and even a derogatory viral video. Their latest prank lands them in the principal’s office with their single parents in tow. The last thing either of them expected was for their parents to hit it off and end the meeting with a dinner date.

Horrified by the prospect of their parents falling in love, Madeline and Cooper reach a truce. They’ll reverse parent-trap the situation by pretending their feud is over and they’re in a relationship. They’re positive that by fake-dating, their parents will stop seeing each other.

When a fake kiss meant for only their parents to see is witnessed by Cooper’s friends, rumors spread like wildfire that Cooper and Madeline are an item. The longer their fake-relationship continues, the more they discover that there may be things they actually like about each other, although neither is ready to admit it. But how long are Madeline and Cooper willing to keep up the ruse before they have to face the consequences of their actions?

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AUDIOBOOK
KOBO
Amazon

*Affiliate link — I may earn a commission*

Audible
Barnes and Noble

We Are Never Getting Together

By Janette Rallison

Genre

Romantic Comedy

Publisher

Shadow Mountain

Series

Standalone

Point of View

Dual First Person

Length

Novel

Narrator(s)

Aunah Johnson, Parley Lambert

Narration Type

Dual
contemporary settingenemies to loversfake datingfootballopposites attractslow burn

Found a trope you love? → Tap it to explore more ❤️

Content Guide

This guide helps readers understand the content of this book.
Click the ⓘ icons to see how each level is defined.

Level 1 Intimacy
No Innuendo
Zero Swearing
Zero Violence
Young Adult
No LGBTQ Content

Trigger Warnings

Synopsis

In this reverse Parent Trap, two feuding teenagers pretend to be in love to keep their parents apart, but love has other plans. A clean YA rom-com from USA Today best-selling author, Janette Rallison.

Madeline and Cooper have had bad blood since junior year when she beat out his sister for the lead in the school play. Ever since, it’s been one petty escalation after another—rumors, locker sabotage, and even a derogatory viral video. Their latest prank lands them in the principal’s office with their single parents in tow. The last thing either of them expected was for their parents to hit it off and end the meeting with a dinner date.

Horrified by the prospect of their parents falling in love, Madeline and Cooper reach a truce. They’ll reverse parent-trap the situation by pretending their feud is over and they’re in a relationship. They’re positive that by fake-dating, their parents will stop seeing each other.

When a fake kiss meant for only their parents to see is witnessed by Cooper’s friends, rumors spread like wildfire that Cooper and Madeline are an item. The longer their fake-relationship continues, the more they discover that there may be things they actually like about each other, although neither is ready to admit it. But how long are Madeline and Cooper willing to keep up the ruse before they have to face the consequences of their actions?

Reader Reviews

Have you read this book? Help other readers by leaving a review.

No reader reviews yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

Leave a Review

Reviews help other readers know what to expect from a book.
Please avoid spoilers and be respectful in your review.

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Find Your Next Closed Door Romance

Stop guessing — find books that actually match your preferences
Filter by intimacy level, tropes, and more in seconds

Find books you'll love

2700+ books • Filter by exact content levels • Built for closed door readers

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Physical Intimacy Levels

Level 1

  • Holding hands or affectionate touching
  • Compliments or confessing love
  • Low-description kissing
  • Tender embraces or cuddling
  • Blushing and sighing
  • Non-descriptive discussions of sex
  • Established relationships
  • Fade to black if married
  • Any sexual encounters are only referred to from the past, not described or shown on page
 

Level 2

  • Touch that signals attraction
  • No touching in the underwear zone
  • Long kisses, lightly descriptive
  • Deeper kisses, tongue implied but not described
  • Feeling warm or flushed
  • Gasping, deep sighs, light growls or groans
  • Thinking or speaking about desire in a non-descriptive way
  • Fade to black for established relationships after a scene that matches this level, though this may be unpopular if they are not married
 

Level 3

 

  • Hands moving, still not in the underwear zone
  • French kissing with tongue described
  • Make-out sessions that still follow these guidelines
  • Feeling hot or sweaty
  • Heavier gasping, groaning, deep growls, or panting
  • More frantic moments and some loss of control
  • Male shirt may come off, but nothing else
  • Leg may straddle waist, but no mention of arousal
  • If characters lie down together, there should be little description of contact or movement
  • May happen in a bedroom or on a bed, but should be interrupted or end with a fade to black scene
  • Focus stays on the emotion
  • Fade to black should still happen between married couples or at the end of the book between engaged or committed couples

Innuendo Levels

Level 0 — None

  • No sexual innuendo
  • No suggestive humor
  • No crude or sexual jokes

Level 1 — Minimal

  • Minimal innuendo or double meanings
  • Light teasing
  • Mild crude or dad humor
  • Not frequent or strong

Level 2 — Moderate

  • Moderate suggestive humor
  • Double meanings
  • Sexual tension
  • May include crude or sexual jokes

Level 3 — Heavy

  • Heavy innuendo
  • Strong suggestive dialogue
  • Frequent crude or sexual humor

Swearing Levels

Zero

  • No swearing

Mild

  • Up to 10 uses of “hel*” or “dam*”

Moderate

  • 10+ uses of “hel*” or “dam*”
  • And/or use of bodily swear words like “shi*,” “as*,” etc.

Severe

  • 30+ swear words
  • And/or any use of the F-word one or more times

Violence Levels

Zero

  • No on-page violence

Mild

  • Violence is present without detail or only referenced vaguely
  • May briefly mention blood or injuries
  • Comparable to a G-rated movie

Moderate

  • Violence is more frequent and/or more detailed
  • Can be more intense
  • Injuries may be lightly described
  • Comparable to a PG-rated movie

Severe

  • Violence is more detailed and frequent
  • Blood may be mentioned and injuries may be described in detail
  • Comparable to a PG-13-rated movie

Intimacy Levels

Level 1

  • Holding hands/Affectionate touching
  • Compliments/confessing love
  • Low-description kissing
  • Tender embraces/cuddling
  • Blushing and sighing
  • Non-descriptive discussions of sex
  • Established relationships
  • Fade to black if married
  • Any sexual encounters from past only referred to, not described or on-screen

Level 2

  • Touch that signals attraction
  • No touching in underwear zone
  • Long kisses, lightly descriptive
  • Deeper kisses, tongue implied not described
  • Feel warm/flushed
  • Gasping, deep sighs, light growls and groans
  • Thinking/speaking about desire non-descriptive
  • Fade to black for established relationships after a scene that matches this level – but may be unpopular if not married

Level 3

  • Hands moving, still not in underwear zone
  • French kiss with tongue described
  • Make-out sessions still follow guidelines
  • Feel hot, sweating
  • Heavier gasping, groaning, deep growls, panting
  • More frantic and lose some control
  • Male shirt may come off, but nothing else
  • Leg may straddle waist, but no mention of arousal
  • If they lay down together anywhere, use little description of contact/moving
  • May happen in a bedroom or on a bed, but should be interrupted or end with fade to black scene. Keep focus on the emotion.
  • Fade to black should still happen between married couples or at the end of the book between engaged/committed couples.